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Archive for the ‘Two week wait’ Category

CD 13 today and I expect I’m about to ovulate. We’ve been doing VERY well-scheduled BD with Pre-Seed and lots of great CM. In my last post I was just at the end of my cycle and AF came shortly after. I was somewhat hopeful for the December cycle (the one where, if I had gotten pregnant, I would have known by Christmas). But I wasn’t too devastated when it didn’t happen, since I was on holiday in Kenya (the most relaxing holiday I’ve ever had!). There was one pretty silly thing that happened there though: we were holidaying with friends who have two kids; the woman (I’ll call her Mary) used to be a close friend but we hadn’t seen each other for years. She was using the calendar method (with observation of cervical mucus) to AVOID conception – and lo and behold, she became pregnant in December! I did the calculations and our cycles started on the same date. Not only that, but she used one of MY pregnancy tests (I offered it to her) and got two fat lines within seconds. Finally, she was trying to figure out how she had gotten pregnant and asked me about it, saying she thought it was impossible to get pregnant after having sex three whole days before ovulation! So I had to do a little fertility education. Sigh…

In cycle news: Over the last three to four months, my cycles have slowly been getting longer. As I’ve said in earlier posts, since we arrived in this country in February, I had gone from 27-day cycles to 24- and 25-day cycles – a clear sign of excess heat which is not good when you have endo. A few months ago (actually I guess it’s at least six months now), I started taking Vitex (500 mg capsule 1x/day) along with my regular load of supplements (PregVit, fish oil, and vitamin E throughout cycle, EPO, spirulina and bladderwrack before ovulation, B6 during LP). The next few cycles were 26 days. At first ovulation would come a couple of days later but the cycle length would stay the same (shorter LP); then ovulation stabilized around day 12/13 and LP at 13/14 days. And now my latest cycle was 29 days long! I haven’t had such a long cycle for years! I was quite excited about it (and needless to say, thought I might be pregnant). Now I’m trying to take comfort in having a “normal” length cycle, since that is a good sign that the endo isn’t progressing too much. I’m not sure if it’s related to the Vitex or the B6 (which I also started within the last 6 months), but I’ve also had less irritability and less sore breasts during the last few months. This month, I’m on a new package of EPO and have been having excellent quality CM. So, everything is looking better than it has in a while. We shall see… I’ve read conflicting testimonials about Vitex but I think it is really helping to normalize my cycles that seemed to have been knocked off kilter just after I moved here. In TCM terms, that means it’s helping clear excess heat, even though it is a warming herb. Go figure.

Recently I’ve been more open with friends about my infertility struggles, and last week I even included a mention of infertility in the newsletter we periodically send to family and church. Overall I’ve been very touched by people’s warm and caring responses – even one friend who wrote to say she was pregnant did so in a very sweet and caring way. I am convinced that for me, at this time, telling people is the right thing to do. However, there is one person whose response has really bothered me – that’s right, the friend who got pregnant over Christmas vacation. I’m trying to decide whether I need to write her an e-mail telling her how much her behaviour has been bothering me. We don’t live in the same country and won’t for a while – but we will likely meet again. She replied to my newsletter to give me the advice that I should go see a certain pastor here who has prayed for infertile women before. And the way she framed it suggested that it was just a matter of screwing up my courage. This is just typical of her very controlling nature that I’m finding really doesn’t respect my right to make my own decisions without being judged by her about my spirituality. She also feels free to mention my desire for a child in front of anyone, saying things like “oh, maybe ___ will help you get pregnant”. AND I suspect she’s even talked about it with her 4-year-old son, because he once told me while playing that he was getting a phone call from God saying I would soon have a baby. The thing is, she has always been this way, but when we were close friends about seven years ago, I just took it because I was a lot less mature and looked up to her, took her advice in most things. Since then I’ve grown up a lot, and feel comfortable making my own decisions, thank you very much. So should I e-mail her about it? When confronted directly, I know she is capable of realizing she’s hurting others and apologizing for it. And I want to avoid her telling details of my fertility to many other people. But at the same time, I also just feel like withdrawing – I don’t really want to put in the effort of continuing to maintain a friendship with her.

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12 dpo

So, thanks to Fertilit.yFrie.nd, I can overlay several charts over my current one. The yellow line is the current cycle. Tomorrow is the day where my temp either stays up, or it doesn’t. Cool, eh?

A very close friend of mine was just diagnosed with endo. She is understandably very shaken up. Being able to share this experience provides some comfort to both of us, I think. We even have the same RE. But of course, I so much wish she didn’t have to go through this at all. She is already dealing with other fertility issues, and this is another setback.

We prayed together this morning as we do regularly. In her prayer, she said she is not always sure of the point of praying. I could relate. My recent thinking has moved me to a different place on this issue. I have started to see prayer more as a realignment with reality than a forum for requests or an “audience with God”. Yet it is more than just personal therapy. Proclaiming what is true is an act of faith – an act God calls us to. It is done together with others in an alternative community. Some things we can proclaim about infertility : God is a good Creator. What he creates (including our bodies) is beautiful. He does not delight in our suffering. He suffers with us. We can trust his good intentions for our lives.

At 12 DPO I’m having some watery CM. I read somewhere that this was a sign of a pre-AF estrogen surge. May it not be true! Otherwise, I feel fine; great mood, no pain or cramps, just a stronger sense of smell and a more sensitive appetite than usual (but usual pre-AF). Oh well. We’ll see soon enough.

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10 dpo

Tender nipples, bbs beginning to be sorer, frequent sore/bruised feeling in right ovary area, and heightened sense of smell. Nothing I haven’t experienced before except the nipple sensitivity. Usually, bbs are sorer by now. Also, I’m pretty irritable and fragile-feeling!

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8 dpo

I thought it would be fitting to post my chart, making the most of the last day of my FertilityFriend trial. It took me a long time to figure out how to do it, so that will be all I post for now…

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5 dpo

It’s a grey, chilly fall day. I do most of my work at home, so at the moment I’m sitting at my computer, traffic starting to pick up just outside the window (we live on a busy street) and a pot of green tea beside me. I’m juggling three jobs at the moment: teaching an English class once a week, working 15-20 hours per week researching the grammar of African languages for a company producing text messaging software, and trying to finish the translation of my Masters thesis into French. I try to focus on a single task on a given today, so today, Tuesday, is thesis-day. I am just under a thousand words away from being finished with my first translation attempt. Considering that I’ve been working on this off and on for almost exactly a year, and that there are about 25000 words to translate in total, I am very pleased to have gotten this far! Tomorrow, my challenge will be to finish marking my students’ first writing assignment (a persuasive paragraph) and to think of creative ways to convince them that my marking is not unfair: their writing just sucks!

In two-week-wait news: after very good timing this month, I am a little more attentive than usual to every little twinge. I definitely felt ovulation this month. I’ve also been feeling funny twinges and pulling feelings in my pelvic area, and my nipples have been slightly tender (not my breasts). I’ve been somewhat irritable. Creamy CM. My busy subconscious has also been sending me interesting dreams at O day, 1 and 2 dpo.  The only way I can interpret these dreams is as “you’re not pregnant” or “you don’t really want to be pregnant”. For example, in one dream I tried to reconnect with an old friend who has always insisted that she doesn’t want children. The friend resisted my efforts to reconnect, saying I live too far away and it isn’t realistic for us to be close. In another dream, I was trying to escape from a large house where I was being imprisoned. I had successfully bound and gagged the guard and was just about to make a run for it when I heard the owners of the house coming back. Time stopped as I heard their car door slam and their footsteps approaching. Suddenly, I was looking at myself from a distance and saw that I carried a baby in my arms. My overwhelming feeling was disappointment that I could no longer flee because the baby would weigh me down too much. I realized that I would be stuck in that house for at least several months, feeding and taking care of the baby and not able to think about escape.

Although my tendency is to dismiss Christiane Northrup’s claims about infertility out of hand (see some reviews here), I have to wonder whether there are some attitudes toward my own fertility that I should be exploring more carefully…

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